At about the age of five I became self aware of my existence. Within a matter of months I also became painfully aware that there was no other intelligent life in my immediate surroundings and I assumed therefore there was none in the world. I felt unsafe upon finding myself in a world of laws, customs and moralities that had nothing to do with life, and that were only designed to sustain themselves. I retreated into a shell to protect myself from the onslaught of the senseless ideas of mass consciousness. Inside my own mind, I studied life as it was, in order to discover what was real and what was just being taught by those who had no knowledge of what they spoke. By the age of twelve I had begun to find through reading, that there were a few people who had understood about the power of mass consciousness to distort reality. I was most inspired by the writings of Wilhelm Reich. His writings and others did give me the hope that perhaps I was not completely alone on this planet. However I was increasingly frustrated by not meeting anyone in person who understood life beyond their own programmed responses.
I developed my own ideas as to the nature of truth (it would be many years before I understood the difference between “truth” and “Truth”). By the age of thirteen I had uncovered the fallacies of modern medicine and realized that doctors could not be trusted to help in one’s healing process. I saw the inability of democracy and all systems of social order to serve people in any way, and fully realized that individual freedom was paramount.
By the time I had graduated from “high school” (a euphemism for indoctrination center), I was sure that I had seen through all the lies of mass consciousness. I had also given up all but a glimmer of hope that I would ever meet anyone else who could join me in my understanding. I proceeded to try to come out of my shell so that I could learn to hide amongst people, and work and carry on as if I was one of them. This went on for many years with me trying to hide from myself my frustration about not being able to truly communicate with anyone.
For many years was plagued by thoughts that I knew that there was something even bigger than the ideas that I had developed. Something bigger than me. But was I really willing to acknowledge this when I was already without a single friend in the world?
I was going for a hike one day in the 30,000 acres of state forest behind my house when I finally decided I had nothing to lose. If I had no friends, I had no friends to lose. I decided to acknowledge the Truth that I Know. (Notice that the last sentence changes from past tense to present tense). There were no flashes of light, there were no exalted feelings, and in fact there was no experience whatsoever. It was simply a Choice. It is simply a Choice.
The “state” of Knowing does not come from an “experience”. It is the Choice to Know what has always been Known. If there is an “experience” of this Knowing, one is likely to think ones role is to be a guru and teach this to others.
In the Choice to Know, there is only One Being, and the idea of teaching is inconceivable. Joining is all that is left.
The Choice to be The One, is made by the One you become having made the Choice.
A short time later I discovered A Course in Miracles, which is written in the same language that I Know. It was the first “evidence” I’d seen of these Words coming from “outside my own mind”.
The “event” in the forest never had any words to describe it. Many years later
I read something that I realized contained the perfect label. (Not that I needed one for myself). I read that philosopher Descartes had gotten it wrong when he said “I think, therefore I am”. The Ontologically correct phrase should read-
I AM THEREFORE, I KNOW.
That day when I chose to Know, I felt a great relief. I knew that although I might still feel the need to hide from others, I could never hide from my Self or God again. As I walked down the mountain that day I Chose to utter the first words of Knowing, and this is what was said.
LOVE IS SUBSTANTIAL AND ETERNAL.
THE “MATERIAL WORLD” IS EPHEMERAL AND TRANSITORY.
Thus, the final ending of any possibility of allegiance to the perception of the ego.
That which is Real can not be proven.
And that which is proven can not be Real.
(As always, the above is written as a kind of ‘personal ad”. Since Truth can never be taught, my only purpose in writing anything is to meet others who Choose to Know.)